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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22439644">Family Diamonds</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterLioness/pseuds/WinterLioness'>WinterLioness</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:20:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,601</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22439644</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterLioness/pseuds/WinterLioness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Buckleys don't talk about their family, until they do. <br/>Buck thinks he is over the trauma and abuse, but he still flinches when someone says his name in the tone his father used. <br/>Maddie has survived so much, and just wants to move on with her future. <br/>With the help of Eddie, Chim, and the rest of their extended family they make a homes unlike the one they grew up in.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>150</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There is a myth that if you press coal hard enough you will get a diamond, but the truth is if you try to press coal in your hand it will just turn to flakes falling between your fingers. </p><p>Madison Buckley was a daddy’s girl for the first few years of her life. She doesn’t remember this, but her aunts would make a point of telling her during her teenage years that she, from the moment she was born she looked at her father like he hung the stars. </p><p>Evan Buckley was his mother’s son, they shared the same smile and nose. He knows this from pictures. He would follow her around, attempting to help before he knew how to form the words. Every morning he was up with the sun and tottering around their tiny kitchen to ‘help’ her cook. By the time the rest of the family joined the two of them they would have matching streaks of flour across their cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>It all changes when Claudette gets diagnosed. </p><p>Porch swing saturdays and daily trips to the park turns into hospital waiting rooms. Evan was to young to remember specific memories, but even as an adult sometimes when he closes his eyes he can still picture the off white hospital walls. Maddie was to young to fully understand what was happening around her, but she quickly took to the nurses. They were always moving in a way that she envied from her place next to her brother in the waiting room chairs or her mother’s bedside. </p><p>Then she dies. Losing a parent is always hard, losing one that loved her children as fiercely as their mother is heartbreaking. </p><p>The only thing worse is losing both parents. </p><p>Scott Buckley loved his wife. And he also loved his children. But losing his wife broke something in him, maybe it just broke all of him. He takes to drinking before her body is in the ground. And then he starts to resent and eventually ends up hating his children. For being like their mother. For looking like their mother. For being weak, and not perfect like she was. For not making him proud, for not making him happy. He hates them for everything they are, and for everything they are not. </p><p> </p><p>The Buckley kids don’t talk about their parents. It’s not something that any of their closest friends would think to say about them, unless asked. Eddie remembers hearing Bobby ask Maddie after the fire truck bombing if there was anyone else to call and the haunted look on her face when she just shook her head no. It isn’t something he thinks about, the hours and days after are just a blur he tries to not remember. </p><p> </p><p>“My mom is a nurse and she is a total helicopter mom but she is actually really cool, and my dad works on computers or something and we play video games with my little brothers.” Buck has been keeping their current patient calm by asking him about his interests and his school and now about his family. Eddie is trying to not worry about how attached he is growing to the victim who is looking less and less likely to survive this the longer they struggle to come up with a course of action. </p><p>“If we move him we risk paralyzing him and him bleeding out, if we don’t move him in the next few minutes we risk losing his legs.”</p><p>“And there is no good way to stabilize him before moving him out?” The problem is the car he was driving is sandwiched between the guardrail and a truck, on it’s side and already leaned more towards the edge of the cliff than anyone is comfortable with. If they try to move the truck they risk messing up the balance and the car could go over the cliff. Without moving the truck and with the way the car crumpled up there isn’t room for more thean one or two fire fighters helping the kid. </p><p>“Hey, woah focus on me.” That’s Buck again, one hand on the wound in the boys side where a piece of the guardrail had splintered the the car and into his side. “Your family sounds kinda perfect kid.”</p><p>“Yea they really are.” The kid gets a far away look, and Eddie nods towards the rest of the team, whatever they are doing they have to do it now. “What about yours?”</p><p>“I have a sister, she is the single strongest person I have ever known.” </p><p>“No parents?” Eddie doesn’t know when he developed a sixth sense for Buck being uncomfortable but he feels a shiver in his body and sure enough when he looks over he can see the tension radiating across his shoulders. Buck chooses that moment to make eye contact, nodding once to Eddie. </p><p>“No, uh my mom died when I was little. I don’t remember a lot, but uh all happy memories. She was like the sunshine.” Buck tilts his head slightly to the sky, and the boy does the same. They stay silent until the team is rushing around them and suddenly the boy’s eyes, his whole body really, is filled with terror. “My family now is pretty great tho if you want to hear about them?”</p><p>The boy just nods, his hand flexing on Buck’s arm. </p><p>“The one that is giving orders out there is Bobby, he is the captain but he is more like a dad, don’t tell him I told you that. He makes the best family dinners. The one on the line I’m connected to is Chimney, he is dating my sister so I have to say I like him. -”<br/>“Hey I heard that!” Chim calls out playfully. He looks over to where Eddie is attempting to crawl over the car without disturbing anything. </p><p>“He is kinda cool himself, he even survived rebar straight through his head.”</p><p>“Wow. What about the woman?”</p><p>“Hen. She is kinda the best. Like not only is she this amazing fire fighter she is also an awesome mom, and gives the best pep talks. And this is Eddie.” Eddie who is currently climbing over Buck, a hand squeezing his shoulder as his legs bracket either side of his ribs where he is laying down to get the best angle down to the kid. </p><p>“Eddie this is Sam. Sam this is Eddie, the guy who is about to save your life.”</p><p>“Well it’s gonna be a team effort.” Eddie says, “I’m going to climb down and get you unstuck and Buck and I are going to get you out of here and back to your family.”</p><p>“Oh uh okay.” He looks between the two firefighters as they manuever around eachother. “Buck tell me about Eddie.”</p><p>“Umm, well Eddie. Eddie is my best friend, and he always has my back, I haven’t ever trusted someone as much as I trust him. Which is good because we are about to do some pretty scary things and we need you to trust us okay?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They manage to get Sam to the hospital, and Buck only hesitates until he can’t see the ambulance tail lights before he turns back to the team. </p><p>Eddie makes sure to sit close to Buck on the way back to the station, and Buck returns the favor by pressing against him. Shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh. </p><p>“I didn’t know about your mom.” Eddie blurts out. The rest of the team is cleaning and restocking or getting rest so it’s just the two of them sitting on the couch with coffee. Buck gives him a startled look, and brings his feet up on the couch so he can curl around his knees. Sometimes it just hits Eddie how young Evan looks. “Not that uh, you had to tell me or anything.”</p><p>“No, I know.” Buck tilts his head slightly as he studies Eddie’s now blushing nervous face. “I don’t remember a lot, and what I do think I remember is mostly just stories from Maddie.” Evan bites his lip, chewing on it for a moment before readjusting so he is once again pressed up to Eddie. He knows the team will tease them if they come up the stairs to find them cuddled on the couch together, again. “I have some pictures at my place, but um she had Maddie’s hair but I have her nose and her smile. Her name was Claudette, and Maddie used to tell me that she thought that she was a princess. She got sick when I was like four? And she was gone before I was six.”</p><p>“I’m sorry Buck.” Eddie whispers, and Buck just tilts his head to hide his face against Eddie. Talking about his mom always makes him feel like his skin has been peeled back. “Is your father still alive?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Buck barks out a laugh, seeming to startle even himself. Eddie grips his arm tighter. And even without looking at him Buck can practically feel the confusion coming from him. “He isn’t…- we weren’t…- Maddie tells me he wasn’t always the way he was, but I never really knew that him.”</p><p>“You don’t have to talk about this if you aren’t ready.”</p><p>“It’s been over ten years since I saw him. I was sixteen and Maddie was gone and he was drunk and mad and some part of me knew that if I didn’t get out, if I didn’t leave then, that I never would. So I found whatever cash he had laying around that night and between that and my college savings I had enough for a one way ticket to Mexico and I kinda just traveled and bar tended for a while.”</p><p>“Huh.” Eddie thinks back to all the times he has spoken spanish in front of the team, in front of Buck. </p><p>“I don’t - I got over it, and I just don’t think about that time anymore.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I’m fine.” Buck is doing his sincere eyes, and Eddie can tell that Buck really believes himself. How does someone so sweet and kind come from a man like that?</p><p>“You know you deserved better right?” Buck just leans against Eddie again, he is saved from answering by Chim and Hen coming up the stairs. </p><p> </p><p>They go out drinking that night. Buck and Eddie would both rather be sandwiching Christopher on their couch at home, then being sandwiched between Hen and the wall in the booth at their local pub. Bobby has a water and the car keys. Somewhere between rounds two and three Maddie drops into the booth next to Chim, and they all laugh at stories she is telling about her crazy 9-1-1 calls of the day. </p><p>When Athena arrives shortly after Chim volunteers to get the next round and Eddie finds himself following him through the crowd to the bar.</p><p>“Can I ask you something?” Eddie says while they are waiting for the bartender. Chim looks over at him surprised, but nods at him to go ahead. “Does Maddie ever talk about her parents?” </p><p>“No.” Chim smiles as he looks over to Maddie. “I don’t talk about my parents much but when I ask about her parents she changes the subject.”</p><p>“Yea that makes sense.”</p><p>“Why do you ask?” Eddie has to make an effort to not look over to Buck. He finds himself holding his expressions back more and more lately. He waits while Chim orders for the table, tries to figure out his answer. </p><p>“That call today.” Eddie starts, grabs some bottles but doesn’t move from the bar just yet. “Buck said something that I can’t seem to shake.”</p><p>“Isn’t that everytime he talks?” Chim jokes, and Eddie laughs at that. Chim has gone from almost inconspicuous comments about his crush to asking when he is going to propose. As much as Eddie hates it, it also reminds him of his cousins. </p><p>“I think the two of them survived more than they should have had to when they were young.” Chimney gives him a calculating look and a short nod before making his way back to the table with drinks in hand. The table all cheers, except for Buck who is looking over at him with a questioning look. </p><p>----</p><p>Eddie drinks more than he should have, and is grateful for Buck’s warm body pressed against him in the back of Bobby’s truck. Maddie and Chimney got a ride, leaving Athena and Hen to sing along to the random song on the radio - despite neither of them seeming to know the words. Bobby is in a rarely seen good mood, shooting his wife smiles at red lights as she dances in the front seat. </p><p>“Everyone’s so happy.” Buck says suddenly, and Eddie just tucks his body tighter against him. Bobby gives him a look over his shoulder. Suddenly Buck is shaking at Eddie’s shoulder. “Hey, hey, Eddie!” Bobby shushes him from the front seat and Buck pouts slightly in return. </p><p>“What?” Eddie asks, leans back into his seat to try to focus more on Buck’s face. </p><p>“Nevermind.” Buck mumbles, and Eddie is about to push him on the matter but suddenly the car is stopping and he looks up to see his house. <br/>“Okay out ya go Diaz. Do you need help getting in?” Bobby asks, already undoing his seatbelt. </p><p>“I got him Cap.” Buck reassures him. Eddie climbs out of the car and instantly grabs for purchase as the world shifts around him. When his vision clears he sees Buck is what he grabbed onto. How is he not more as drunk? Eddie thinks to himself, then remembers Buck nursing his beer and whispering blood thinners when Eddie had given him the look. </p><p>“Am I waiting?” Bobby asks from the front as Buck goes to shut the door. </p><p>“No!” Eddie shouts, only realizing how loud and forceful he was when Buck visibly flinches. </p><p>“I’m gonna stay, make sure he survives the hangover.” Buck waves to them, “Thanks for the ride.” And then he is shutting the door and half carrying Eddie to his front door. Eddie finally realizes he should be looking for his key when Buck is inserting his key and opening the door. He waves one more time to Bobby before helping Eddie inside and shutting the door behind him. </p><p>“Stay.” Somehow Buck has managed to get Eddie to his room, and is currently helping him take off his shoes. Eddie is suddenly thankful that Chris is at his abuela’s tonight and wasn’t woken by his stumbling down the hall.</p><p>“I am. I’ll be right on the couch.” Buck promises, looking up at him from where he is kneeling on the floor. Eddie groans at the image he makes. </p><p>“Not what I meant.” Eddie mumbles against his pillow where he has flopped down onto it. </p><p>Suddenly Buck is close to Eddie’s face, his hand warm and firm on his shoulder. “You know I’m not going anywhere, not again, no matter what. Right?”</p><p>Eddie grabs his wrist and smiles up at him. “So stay.”</p><p>“Okay, but you have to let me go so I can get some water and advil for you and change. You should get out of those jeans.” Eddie waggles his eyebrows at him, making Buck laugh as he leaves the room towards the kitchen. </p><p>Eddie manages to wiggle his way out of his jeans before Buck comes back in carrying two glasses of water and the bottle of advil, wearing the sweatpants he keeps in the hall closet for when he is watching Chris. Eddie takes the pills and chugs most of the water as Buck lays on the other side of the bed. Once Buck has settled in Eddie rolls over and curls against his side. </p><p>“You are such a snuggly drunk.” Buck teases, even as he wraps his arm around Eddie. </p><p>“Usually I’m an angry drunk.” Eddie mumbles. <br/>“Nah, you are like a Koala bear, you just get a little punchy when I’m not around.” Buck laughs when Eddie looks up at him. </p><p>“What were you going to say in the car earlier?”</p><p>“What?” Buck asks, then “When you were falling asleep on me? Uh, well just that - the stuff we talked about earlier?” Buck pauses, finds himself running his fingers in Eddie’s hair, the same way he often does with Chris when either of them are upset. “All that stuff with my parents, that doesn’t really matter? I’m happy now. I have the 118 and Maddie and ‘thena.” </p><p>“You have us.” Eddie adds, curls his hand against Buck’s side like he is going to pull him closer - but there isn’t any room to do so. “Chris and I, and Abuela and everyone.” </p><p>“I love you.” Buck tenses as soon as he realizes what he said, but Eddie is already looking at him - the look he gives him right before they are about to run into a fire together or repel off a cliff. Together. </p><p>“I love you.” Eddie kisses at his jaw, until Buck readjusts and bends his head down to kiss him back. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>---------</p><p>Buck wakes up with Eddie still glued to his side, using him as his personal pillow. He smiles when he remembers the kisses they exchanged before falling asleep just a few hours before. </p><p>Eddie winces as the sun starts to filter past the curtains and into his eyes. Buck brushes his fingers against Eddie’s temple as he blocks the sun from his eyes. Eddie smiles at him when he opens his eyes. </p><p>“Hey sleepyhead.” Buck whispers, careful not to disturb the unusual quiet of the Diaz house. </p><p>“Hey. Uh we kissed last night right? That wasn’t me dreaming?” Buck chuckles, leans over just enough to kiss Eddie on his temple. “Right. Good. I’d kiss you again, but morning hangover breath is not attractive.” </p><p>“Well lets go brush our teeth then!” Buck jokes, and Eddie laughs as he jumps up to do just that. Eddie follows behind him at a much slower pace. They laugh as Buck makes funny faces in the mirror while he is brushing his teeth. He remembers the week Christopher decided he didn’t like brushing his teeth anymore and Buck had brought him an adaptive toothbrush that was easier for him to hold and had stayed over on the couch then done the same faces while Chris stood on his step stool next to him brushing his teeth.</p><p>Eddie basks in the how normal and right this all seems, like they have already been together for years. At least until they are both done and Buck starts to back himself into the bedroom. Eddie doesn’t remember telling his feet to move but he stays right in Buck’s space until his knees hit the bed and he is the one looking up for a change. </p><p>Then they are kissing and it’s not like fireworks, which always manage to trigger Eddie’s PTSD, it’s more like butterflies. Like being in his abuela’s garden growing up and feeling so at home and at peace as the butterflies and bumblebees floated from one flower to the next. </p><p>They go from sweet and innocent to playful and less innocent, and Buck bites at Eddie’s lip as Eddie slots his body over his. Eddie leans into the pain, just as Buck is kissing the spot he bit. </p><p>Buck tenses up as Eddie is biting and kissing his way down his neck. Eddie pulls away, ready to ask what is wrong. </p><p>“We can’t have sex.” Buck blurts out, suddenly full of nervous energy. At Eddie’s confused look he tries to explain. “Not that I can’t, because I can. And I’m sure you can! I mean - We can, but we shouldn’t! Well I shouldn’t!”</p><p>“Buck! Woah!” Eddie leans in and is glad when Buck becomes distracted from his mini meltdown by kissing him. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” He reassures. </p><p>“That’s the thing, I do want to.” Buck mumbles, and Eddie pulls away enough that he can flop onto his back next to Buck. </p><p>“I’m confused.”</p><p>“Before - With Buck one point O, before Abby and before, well you, I uh had some issues.”</p><p>“Oookay? Like ST-”</p><p>“No, no! Big fan of safe sex over here!” Buck is blushing now, and Eddie wants to run his tongue against the heated skin so he averts his eyes back to the ceiling. “I was kind of replacing my self worth with sex. Recovering self-diagnosed sex addict” He tries to end with a joke, and Eddie rolls his eyes before looking over to Buck.</p><p>“Okay”</p><p>“Okay? What do you mean okay?” Buck asks nervously.</p><p>“I mean okay. So we don’t have sex, or we wait to have sex.” </p><p>“Oh, right, okay.”</p><p>“We have like an hour till Chris gets home, can we go back to kissing now?” Eddie asks, and Buck laughs as he rolls over to kiss him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Mermaids and Nightmares</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Trauma is much like the sea, constantly there. Sometimes angry and sometimes calm. A raging tempest even the most experienced sailor would lose their way in. A beach day with the children playing in the gentle waves. </p><p> </p><p>It has been months since the tsunami, Buck still wakes up gulping for air and covered in sweat. The gentle pattering of rain on the windows paralyzing him in his bed. Eddie still finds sleepness nights where he just sits outside Chris’s room, listening to his snoring. Christopher seems mostly okay, he has started swimming lessons with a physical therapist and still sees a psychiatrist to deal with the traumas he faced. </p><p>So they are all mostly okay, better than the adults thought they could be. So it doesn’t even occur to them that a kid’s movie about a mermaid might be a bad idea. Then Buck is tensing up, Eddie reaching an arm around his kid to hold his boyfriend’s shoulder. Buck gives him the tight smile that means he is struggling but determined to push through it. Exposure therapy, he likes to joke. </p><p>Suddenly Christopher is looking up at them, the popcorn all but forgotten on his lap.</p><p>“Do you think tsunamis are scary for mermaids?” He asks, and the two men give each other panicked looks for a minute, then Buck is giving his patent about to make a joke smiles. Eddie breathes out a sigh of relief, both that Buck isn’t slipping into a panic attack and that he doesn’t have to take point on this question. </p><p>“I think mermaids are scary for tsunamis.” Christopher laughs, then tilts his head up at ‘his’ Buck. Eddie watches as Chris reaches a hand up and pats Buck’s cheek, feels tears in his eyes that he has to bite his lip against. </p><p>“Dad says it’s okay to be scared.” Christopher tells him, then snuggles back into his side to keep watching the movie. </p><p>“You have a pretty smart dad.” Buck whispers against Chris’s head, giving Eddie a watery smile. </p><p> </p><p>------------------------</p><p>They finish watching the movie and Buck carries Chris to bed, where they both give him kisses on his forehead. Eddie whispers a quick prayer for a nightmare free sleep for his son. </p><p>Eddie picks up the dirty dishes while Buck folds the blankets, in near silence. When the Diaz living room is back to its normal level of chaos Buck finds himself fiddling with the blanket he was folding. </p><p>“I should get -” Buck starts to mumble.</p><p>“Stay” Eddie interrupts before Buck can get to far into his goodbyes. </p><p>“I’m fine, Eddie.” Buck reminds him. </p><p>“Maybe I just want your waffles in the morning.” Eddie teases, once again gripping Buck’s shoulder. “Please stay.” </p><p>Buck ducks his head, resting his forehead against Eddie’s forearm. “Okay.” </p><p> </p><p>Eddie finds himself following his best friend to his guest room, leaning in the doorway. Buck has long since kept a change of clothes in the drawers, for the nights he has off and volunteers to watch Chris while Eddie works. They had recently decided that Buck would stay in the guest room until they figured out if there was something to tell Christopher. </p><p>“Do you need anything else?” </p><p>“Eddie, I told you I’m fine.” Eddie nods once, before pulling the door mostly closed, the same way he did earlier with Chris’s. </p><p>“Goodnight Buck.”</p><p>“Night Eddie.”</p><p>------------------------------------</p><p>Eddie wakes from a nightmare full of screaming to the screams of his best friend. He tries to run as quickly and quietly as possible, rushing in to wrap his arms around Buck. </p><p>“I got you. You are safe.” It’s the same mantra he repeats to Chris when he has nightmares, slipping between English and Spanish without realizing. Buck struggles against the hold at first, then his hands are gripping Eddie’s arms before he suddenly relaxes against Eddie. </p><p>“Wanna talk about it?” Eddie mumbles, and Buck feels his breath catch at the feeling of Eddie’s lips moving against his forehead. Buck just shakes his head, burrowing his face into Eddie’s neck and matching his breath to Eddie’s. “What can I do?” </p><p>“This. Just this.”</p><p>“Okay.” So they reposition, first with Eddie on his back and Buck curled against his side, his head still tucked against Eddie’s shoulder. Then Eddie turns to his side to wrap his body around Buck. “This okay?” He asks, finds himself rubbing soothing circles against Buck’s back. <br/>“Thank you.” Buck whispers, grips Eddie’s shirt just over his heart. </p><p>“I got your back.”</p><p> </p><p>----------------------------</p><p> </p><p>Eddie thinks Buck is finally back asleep when he feels him tense up suddenly. He starts to pull away, but Buck just holds him tighter. “We were at the pier.” He starts in a whisper, taps his fingers against Eddie. “The bodies, all the bodies were people I knew.” then he is sniffling and Eddie just holds him as tight as he can. “I had to make a choice and I always make the wrong one.” </p><p>“Dios.” Eddie bites out. “Buck, it was a natural disaster.” Buck shakes his head, almost violently against Eddie’s hold. </p><p>“We were on a fire truck. I tried to keep Chris from seeing all the bodies.”</p><p>“He told the therapist you played I spy.”</p><p>“It was the only thing I could think of.” Buck pauses, tapping his fingers against Eddie’s heart. Eddie tries to figure out the rhythm while Buck gathers his courage or decides on the next thing to say. “There were people. Still alive. People I could save. I thought he was safe. I asked someone to watch him. I know I did. And I turned around just for a minute, just to pull some more people on the fire truck.” Buck chokes on a sob, his whole body shaking in Eddie’s arms. </p><p>“Buck, you don’t have to -”</p><p>“I do. I need to. Because if I don’t tell you then I am going to keep waiting until you figure it out and hate me.”</p><p>“Buck, I wouldn’t hate you.”</p><p>“You don’t get it! I had him! If I hadn’t have turned around then I never would have lost him!” </p><p>“It’s okay Buck.”</p><p>“It isn’t!”</p><p>“Buck I need you to listen to me.” Eddie pulls away, or attempts to before sighing. “I need to look at your eyes to tell you this.” Buck whimpers as they seperate. “I would have done the same thing. You said it yourself, you thought he was safe. I know it feels like you let him down, but that was the right decision. You saved so many lives, and Chris is okay.”</p><p>“I lost him.”</p><p>“And you almost died trying to find him. I watched the doctors give you bag after bag of blood, during a natural disaster. I held Maddie while she cried, not knowing if you were going to make it. I held Chris while he sat by your bedside begging for you to wake up, all while knowing I was the one that pushed you to get out of your apartment that day.”</p><p>“You told us to go to the movies.” Buck mumbles, chewing on his lip the way he does when he is thinking hard about something. </p><p>“And there was a movie theater in the flood zone! Any other natural disaster, or a fire, or a shooting, could have happened!” Eddie asks, brings one of his hands up to gently wipe away the tears that have almost dried on Buck’s cheeks. “Do you want to stay in bed or do you want a snack?”</p><p>“Sleep.” Buck tells him, reaches up and grabs Eddie’s hand before rolling over so Eddie is spooning him. Eddie laughs softly, readjusting. </p><p>----------------</p><p> </p><p>Eddie wakes up first in the morning, hiding his smile against Buck’s shoulder even though there is no one around to see it. He tries to detangle himself, at least enough to put some distance between them, but Buck has the arm that is wrapped around him in a tight hold, and somehow their legs are twisted together in a way which shouldn’t be so comfortable. </p><p>He can tell when Buck wakes up by the immediate tensing of his entire body. Eddie is debating between pulling away and pretending like he is still asleep when Buck relaxes again, even letting go of his arm enough to run his fingers from his hand to his elbow then back again. </p><p>“Morning.” Buck says, voice scratchy but still chipper. Of course Evan Buckley is a morning person, at least when he isn’t depressed due to recovering from what should have been career ending injuries. </p><p>“Morning.” Eddie replies, pushes his hand against Buck’s abs in an almost hug. Buck stutters for a second, and Eddie would swear that he can see the tips of his ears turning red in the morning sun filtering through the curtains. “We should probably get up before Chris comes looking for me.”</p><p>“Right.” Buck says, making no effort to detangle their legs. “Orrr… we could stay just like this forever.” Eddie bites at Buck’s shoulder teasingly, smirking when Buck’s ears turn red again. </p><p>----------------</p><p>Eddie showers while Buck makes waffles and gets Chris up and ready for school. Chris doesn’t mention if he woke to Buck’s nightmare the night before, and is more talkative than normal when they all sit down to scarf down some breakfast together. Buck finds himself laughing into his coffee as Eddie grumbles into his when Chris tells a story about one of the other parents hitting on Eddie during the last parents night. </p><p>“She kept saying Cindy and I were good friends, but Cindy is mean and doesn’t like anything fun.” Chris is complaining, arms wide and dramatic and maple syrup on his chin. </p><p>“Oh right bud, why don’t we get you cleaned up and ready for school?”</p><p>“Is Buck going to come with to drop me off?” Chris asks, as Eddie stands with their plates. </p><p>“Not this morning, but since we have the day off today maybe I will see you after school?” Buck suggests, smiling up at Eddie as he passes them on the way to the sink. </p><p>“Yay!” Chris exclaims, watching Buck as Eddie starts running the water for the dishes. He must see something on his face, some sort of tell Buck isn’t aware of, or he must know about the nightmare, because he reaches up and places his slightly sticky hand on Buck’s cheek. “You’re gonna be okay kid.” He whispers, and Buck nods with tears in his eyes. </p><p>-------------------</p><p>Buck finishes the dishes Eddie started to soak, and makes all the beds, and is just stepping out of the shower when he hears Eddie opening and closing the front door. </p><p>“I’m back!” Eddie calls out as he is kicking off his shoes. </p><p>“How was therapy?” Buck asks, stepping out of the bathroom while still towel drying his hair. Eddie blushes and quickly turns around and practically runs into the kitchen. “That bad?”</p><p>“It was fine!” Eddie yells to him as he opens and closes what sounds like random cabinet doors. Buck just leans against the counter, and Eddie lets out a relieved little sigh at the sight of Buck’s shirt. “I uh actually, talked about you.”</p><p>“Me? Did I do something?”</p><p>“No! Not, well, yes but nothing bad. I just wasn’t sure how to well -” Eddie takes a calming breath. “I have control issues, that’s what the fighting was about, and well the nightmare -”</p><p>“I shouldn’t have -”<br/>“I wanted you to stay, I’m glad I could be there. It’s just that I wish I could fix it? Or do more?”</p><p>“You did enough.” Buck tells him, backs Eddie into the counter to put his hand on his neck - the same way Eddie does to him whenever he has something he needs Buck to hear. “I can never fall back asleep after one, but I did last night.” Eddie nods once, a smile coming to his face. </p><p> </p><p>They end up on the couch, as they often do on their days off before they have to run errands. Buck picks the game and they sit shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh. </p><p>“My therapist asked if you were seeing anyone to talk about everything”</p><p>“Therapy isn’t really my thing.” The anymore goes unsaid. </p><p>“I uh, I mentioned that you had some issues with that therapist. Not in any detail but uh, most everyone knows about her.”</p><p>“Riiight.” Buck, pauses the game, seeing as Eddie is missing all the action with his constant looking at Buck’s face. “So?”</p><p>“Will you, if you wanted, you could come to therapy with me? Or we could go to see another therapist together? Apparently that is allowed?” Eddie is rambling, and Eddie never rambles. </p><p>“Can I think about it?”</p><p>“Yea, totally.” Then Eddie is unpausing the game, taking Buck’s distraction for granted.</p>
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